Exhausted.

I had a dream which felt so important but I can't seem to remember now.

Funny how I always think, "this time I will remember my vivid dream for a few hours until I come across some pen n paper". Is my memory getting less efficient now?

After work and crying to my boyfriend and arriving home for the weekend, I must say.. I'm feeling weary.
I'm booked for the weekend so hope I enjoy it.

Hope I will find time to exercise as my tummy is growing unusually big. I gained 6 kgs ever since I started dating my boyfriend. I don't know why I gained so much! Before my current boyfriend, I did eat regularly and healthily and exercised a lot but I also ate a lot of Malay food for lunch. Plus, I also had buffet dinners and rich fine dining treats with my Melbourne friend maybe about 3 to 4 times a week. Am I eating good and rich food more frequently now? Seems that most likely it is the exercise that made all the difference. But I'm finding it harder to fit exercise into my new schedule partly because of all the time I spend with my boyfriend and not sleeping by 10 or 11pm anymore.

You know the more fat cells u have, the more stubborn they are when breaking down/burning and the faster they multiply. The thought is just overwhelmingly depressing.

This afternoon, the receptionist at my firm was sharing that her sister was devastated because she wants a divorce after she found a pair of 2-day cruise tickets and a horny message accidentally sent from the husband to her (which was clearly meant for someone else). Seems like she's been crying nonstop.

A little part of me was afraid everyone in the firm will probably link this situation with me (even though most of them are friendly and polite to me still). Yes, I'm a home wrecker.. Crucify me if you want.. Even I can't forgive myself for allowing myself to be in this situation. When I heard how bad her sister was feeling, I felt my heart sink. I can't believe I am an accomplice in hurting someone so cruelly (even if that someone doesn't know it yet).

I'm gonna miss my boyfriend although it's not like I see him on weekends anyway. I wonder how to make sure Thursday will really be our last goodbye. The memories of him commenting on my weight are still painful. I may never feel at ease with him no matter how he tries to fix the situation. Oh.. and the religion bit... I hope I can find someone not religious (and not married) so I can enjoy sharing a lifestyle and more activities with him.

Today was our 6-month anniversary. I wish I could be with him now celebrating... Spend the night maybe...  but oh well wishful thinking.. he has his own family at home. I miss him.