Will I really be happy if I lost all that weight and be able to wear store-bought clothes?

I don't know...  I've always felt bigger and grosser than my girl peers... and I got teased a lot even when I was 10 kilos lighter. And I don't think this feeling of inadequacy will ever go away..

I know that there will be a guy out there who will find my body is perfect for him. Maybe not in Singapore where every other girl is skinny.. but I just know he's out there. Even if I don't meet him.. I would rather be by myself than to stay with guys who make me feel so vulnerable and unpretty. Why must I conform to society and find a guy who "loves" me but idealises a different female body when I can be alone and strive to be happy by myself? I think a woman who can live alone and be happy on her deathbed is strong enough to shun the negative impact that many guys can bring.

I don't think Mr Limbo is for me. I feel like maybe our relationship isn't so conducive for my personal growth or happiness. I know he tries to make me happy but he still doesn't give me what I want or need. I started being a homewrecker in March and here I am almost 8 months later, not budging from the mentally damaging role I've been playing. I wonder if any guy would ever respect me or look at me as dating material if they knew about Mr Limbo. I give up already. It makes no difference if I love him or he loves me.. because I'm simply.. unhappy.