Oh no, I did it again.. I waited too long before writing about my dream... Lemme try and grasp at the dreamemories slithering away. Hmm.. before that, I need to call Mr New a different name because we're kind of in limbo and not really together. Hmmm.. let's call him.. Mr Limbo!

My Dream

I was dating Mr Limbo in my dream and was pretty happy with how it was like before.. Then I found out that he had cheated on his wife with a girl prior to my relationship with him and he was lying to me all the while. He called me fat in my dream and cried. I was so upset because I thought I was really special to him but felt like I'm just some mistress toy. I can't remember if he was juggling 3 of us at the same time. But in the end I left and went off to be with my first love again (like wtf?).

My cut-off date

After my cut-off date with him, we still hung out and we got intimate when we couldn't help it (which I guess is to be expected). But the cut-off date is already over. I gave him this cut-off date more than 6 weeks prior and told myself not to believe what he said if he was still with his wife by then. I know he loves me and I must be special for him to do all the things he did. But I think it's impossible now. I have already told him why I needed him to make his decision. I was really fed up of being with a married man. I told him I can't tell whether I really want him if we've never had a proper relationship between 2 available individuals. (I recall spending a lot of time crying on the phone with him regarding this matter).  I at least deserve  to be with a single man before I consider any future. I needed to know that he was willing to leave his wife despite all this uncertainty just so he can be with me in his full capacity as a proper boyfriend, even if it's for a short while.  I know it's a big risk for him to take with all this uncertainty but I REFUSE to be a back-up plan and promise myself to him when he isn't even mine. The cut-off date has passed and I guess he doesn't want to do this, or he doesn't understand how important it is for me. It's too late anyway.

I think he's sweet and I'm so lucky to have been with him for the past 6 months plus. It's too bad I felt ugly around him most of the time.. (After he said I was fat, I gained a lot of weight again from all the dinner dates and stress, thus making me feel even more disgusting and negative) But.. either way.. I don't feel as much as I did before. I know its going to be hard for him. But.. I was tired of being in this situation 6 weeks ago and I'm even more tired now. I've pretty much had enough. I can't think of any reason to get back with him again. I'm so sad but I would like to let go.