Dang.. I've got so much work to do and I'm both awake and tired now after a double tall latte and a shower. It's been such a bad week as my director is pissed with me.
Mr Limbo came by earlier to help me out with my work. He photocopied a very useful resource for me. We kinda... made out?? Just before he left, I got emotional and wanted to talk to him about what was going to happen with us. He said that he had told a coupla other people about us and they agreed with him completely.. Which pissed me off cos he's the one who told me that I'm one of those people who just listens to what my friends say. Well if he really wants to play it that way, my girl friends tell me that I should have just left the moment he picked on my weight ("Gasp! No way he said that to you?!"). My friends are very sad that I'm like a different person now, so withdrawn, insecure, ashamed and afraid of being judged cos I can't show off my boyfriend to the world. Some of them see me cry and ask me "couldn't you at least have picked some single guy to cry over?" I might as well have "homewrecker" branded onto my forehead. I realise that he doesn't meet any of my criteria but why do I keep dragging things on? Am I really that lonely?
Its very clear in my mind what I need from him and it's very clear to me that he's just prolonging things. An ultimatum is a deadline for goodness sake. Follow it or forget it. If I tell you that I really need this for my sanity, then you should give it to me before I start hating you. It's okay.. the longer that things are dragging, the more distant I feel from him. Anyway, maybe its a good thing. I will no longer have to feel like a spare tyre this way. This Chinese guy at my firm told me that it was too hard for him to give up the pork for his ex-girlfriend. Can you imagine?? I won't even have to worry about that anymore!! I have too much worries on my plate already. I think it's for the best if I just ask Mr Limbo to stay away from me, since I don't think he takes me seriously.
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