Happy New Year! I wish for the people around me to have a better year than before. For me, 2009 was the most exciting/dramatic year. But it was also a very damaging year for me. I seemed to be more lost than ever, and grappling for control over myself.
The +ve of 2009
- Losing about 7 to 8 kgs since 2008
- Making much better efforts to keep fit and be healthy
- Making so many new friends and renewing many friendships after my breakup from K
- Being a joker, party girl and smart ass again.. My friends tell me they've been waiting for me to get back my old funny and energetic self for the past few years when I was with K.
- Completing a half marathon, the timing wasn't great (2:25) but I had busted my legs by the 16k mark so I'm pretty happy
- Learning from my mistakes from K and knowing how to be more independent and a better gf
- Trying to forgive K and his gf, I guess I still want him to be happy
- Getting into volunteering and other activities
- Building on my film directing interests
- Feeling depressed and suicidal in second semester
- Feeling ugly and fat, and feeling uncomfortable in clothes.
- Feeling jealous of most of my girlfriends who are thinner and more popular with boys
- Failing a subject because I didn't hand in my assignment in time, disappointing
- Blaming myself for K breaking up with me
- Getting involved with the wrong guys
- Not being able to say 'no'
- Not getting my priorities right
- Being a mess, literally and metaphorically
- My binge drinking and chain-smoking habits
- Just to be happy
- To accept and love myself
- To get my priorities straight
- Not to feel suicidal, or at least less, next time I do, I will try antidepressants
- I will not get into a relationship with anyone for 2010
I was not planning to celebrate NYE at all because I was so sick and kinda tired of being surrounded by people 24/7 this past week, what with all the events, C's early mornings after late nights and F's staying over everyday. I'm sorry to say this, but she is pretty talkative and so energetic and always wants to hang out which is entertaining in small doses but 24/7 for about 10 days makes me really tired and cranky. I guess I wasn't surprised to get sick this time. Oh well, she's still my close pal.
I took a nap all day. Woke up at about 9.30pm and decided I should have a piece of the NYE magic. I went to withdraw some money and there's this homeless lady who stays there each night in the ATM area. She was the first person I wished for the New Year.
My mum told me I had to eat noodles for NYE so I headed down to my usual Chinese restaurant. I go there every time I'm sick because I'm friends with the manager and he fusses over me when I'm sick :) Hey, it's a great feeling for someone living alone in a foreign country. Anyway, it was raining the whole evening so my friends crashed at my place to watch the fireworks from my balcony and to finish my alcohol. Afterwards, these few guys came when the city fireworks finished and hung out with me till 6am. Oh man, I just fell asleep right after they left.
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